It never ceases to amaze me how public figures have to bow and grovel to the P.R. machine and the media every time they’re caught smoking a bit of weed. Apparently, photos surfaced on a British tabloid site of U.S. Olympian Michael Phelps toking on a bong at a party recently. In response, Phelps issued this highly unfortunate statement:

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in a statement released by his management agency yesterday. “I’m 23 years old, and despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public — it will not happen again.”

As Andrew Sullivan put it:

He also threw back a great deal of alcohol, maybe made a few passes at a few girls and bonded with a few dudes. This is news?

And yet this absurd ritual takes place in which Phelps has to pretend he did something dreadful and we all have to tut-tut and frown and furrow our brows, and the sponsors cluck and the press preens – while the only conceivable news is that a 23 year-old had a good time at a party, breaking no professional rules since he was not competing when he was goofing off.

And, seriously, does anyone think that smoking pot would give him an unfair advantage in the pool? Please. When on earth are we going to grow up as a culture?